Duvid Chaim's 2b1 Institute

Tag: ego

  • Do your THOUGHTS rule over you?? – Join Miriam’s Sunday 12:30 Noon EST Conference Call on Zoom

    Do your THOUGHTS rule over you?? – Join Miriam’s Sunday 12:30 Noon EST Conference Call on Zoom

    Today, we will be discussing:

    Do your THOUGHTS RULE YOU?

    We seldom accept negative comments from other, YET, we often accept our own INNER NEGATIVE CHATTER!

     

    JOIN

    Miriam’s Weekly Conference Call:

    Sunday at 12:30 pm New York time / 6:30 pm Israel time.

    Strictly confidential -Zoom meeting.

    Join Zoom Meeting

    https://us02web.zoom.us/j/3183180567?pwd=YnBLWWx0b09SVUsyTndBa3VSclptdz09

    Meeting ID: 318 318 0567

    Passcode: davidc

    We will learn about:

    Few people enjoy the company of individuals whose attitudes are persistently negative. Yet many of us tolerate the critical chatter that can originate within our own minds. Since we are so used to the stream of self-limiting, critical consciousness that winds its way through our thoughts, we are often unaware of the impact these musings have on our lives. It is only when we become aware of the power of such thoughts that we can divest ourselves of them and fill the emptiness they leave with loving, peaceful affirmations. Many people, upon paying careful attention to their thinking patterns, are surprised at the negativity they find there. But when we take notice of involuntary thoughts in a nonjudgmental way, we initiate a healing process that will eventually allow us to replace intimidating and upsetting self-talk with positive, empowering thoughts. 

    While the occasional downbeat or judgmental thought may have little impact on your contentment, the ongoing negativity that passes unnoticed can have a dampening effect on your mood and your outlook. When you are aware of the tone of your thoughts, however, you can challenge them. Try to be conscious of your feelings, opinions, and judgments for a single day. From sunup to sundown, scrutinize the messages you are feeding into your subconscious mind. Consider your thoughts from the perspective of a detached observer and try not to judge yourself based on the notions that come unbidden into your mind. Simply watch the flow of your consciousness and make a note of the number of times you find yourself focusing on gloomy notions or indulging in self-directed criticism.  

    As you become increasingly aware of your patterns of thought, whether positive and negative, you will gradually learn to control the character of your stream of consciousness. Endeavor always to remember that the images and ideas that pass through your mind are transient and not a true representation of who you are. In training yourself to be cognizant of your thoughts, you gain the ability to actively modulate your mood. The awareness you cultivate within yourself will eventually enable you to create a foundation of positivity from which you can build a more authentic existence.  

  • REMINDER – Miriam’s SUNDAY Conference Call – We’ll learn about our DENIAL PATTERNS!!

    REMINDER – Miriam’s SUNDAY Conference Call – We’ll learn about our DENIAL PATTERNS!!

    Today, we will be discussing our DENIAL PATTERNS.

    JOIN

    Miriam’s Weekly Conference Call:

    Every Sunday at 12:30 pm New York time / 7:30 pm Israel time.

    Strictly confidential -Zoom meeting.

    Join Zoom Meeting

    https://us02web.zoom.us/j/3183180567?pwd=YnBLWWx0b09SVUsyTndBa3VSclptdz09

    Meeting ID: 318 318 0567

    Passcode: davidc

    Did you know that we OFTEN…

    • Have difficulty identifying what they are feeling
    • Minimize, alter, or deny how they truly feel.
    • Perceive themselves as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well- being of others
    • Lack empathy for the feelings and needs of others.
    • Label others with their negative traits.
    • Think they can take care of themselves without any help from others.
    • Mask pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or isolation.
    • Express negativity or aggression in indirect and passive ways.
    • Do not recognize the unavailability of those people to whom they are attracted.

    IN RECOVERY…

    • I am aware of my feelings and identify them, often in the moment. I know the difference between my thoughts and feelings.
    • I embrace my feelings; they are valid and important.
    • I know the difference between caring and care taking. I recognize that care taking others is often motivated by a need to benefit myself.
    • I am able to feel compassion for another’s feelings and needs.
    • I acknowledge that I may own the negative traits I often perceive in others.
    • I acknowledge that I sometimes need the help of others.
    • I am aware of my painful feelings and express them appropriately.
    • I am able to express my feelings openly, directly, and calmly.
    • I pursue intimate relationships only with others who want, and are able to engage in, healthy and loving relationships.

    • LOW SELF-ESTEEM PATTERNS

      CODEPENDENTS OFTEN…

    • Have difficulty making decisions.
    • Judge what they think, say, or do harshly, as never good enough.
    • Are embarrassed to receive recognition, praise, or gifts.
    • Value others’ approval of their thinking, feelings, and behavior over their own.
    • Do not perceive themselves as lovable or worthwhile persons.
    • Seek recognition and praise to overcome feeling less than.
    • Have difficulty admitting a mistake.
    • Need to appear to be right in the eyes of others and may even lie to look good.
    • Are unable to identify or ask for what they need and want.
    • Perceive themselves as superior to others.
    • Look to others to provide their sense of safety.
    • Have difficulty getting started, meeting deadlines, and completing projects.
    • Have trouble setting healthy priorities and boundaries.
      IN RECOVERY…

    In RECOVERY:

    I trust my ability to make effective decisions.
    I accept myself as I am. I emphasize progress over perfection.
    I feel appropriately worthy of the recognition, praise, or gifts I receive.
    I value the opinions of those I trust, without needing to gain their approval. I have confidence in myself.
    I recognize myself as being a lovable and valuable person.
    I seek my own approval first, and examine my motivations carefully when I seek approval from others.
    I continue to take my personal inventory, and when I am wrong, promptly admit it.
    I am honest with myself about my behaviors and motivations. I feel secure enough to admit mistakes to myself and others, and to hear their opinions without feeling threatened.
    I meet my own needs and wants when possible. I reach out for help when it’s necessary and appropriate.
    I perceive myself as equal to others.
    With the help of my Higher Power, I create safety in my life.
    I avoid procrastination by meeting my responsibilities in a timely manner.
    I am able to establish and uphold healthy priorities and boundaries in my life.
    COMPLIANCE PATTERNS
    CODEPENDENTS OFTEN…

    Are extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
    Compromise their own values and integrity to avoid rejection or anger.
    Put aside their own interests in order to do what others want.
    Are hypervigilant regarding the feelings of others and take on those feelings.
    Are afraid to express their beliefs, opinions, and feelings when they differ from those of others.
    Accept sexual attention when they want love.
    Make decisions without regard to the consequences.
    Give up their truth to gain the approval of others or to avoid change.
    IN RECOVERY…

    I am committed to my safety and leave situations that feel unsafe or are inconsistent with my goals.
    I am rooted in my own values, even if others don’t agree or become angry.
    I consider my interests and feelings when asked to participate in another’s plans.
    I can separate my feelings from the feelings of others. I allow myself to experience my feelings and others to be responsible for their feelings.
    I respect my own opinions and feelings and express them appropriately.
    My sexuality is grounded in genuine intimacy and connection. When I need to feel loved, I express my heart’s desires. I do not settle for sex without love.
    I ask my Higher Power for guidance, and consider possible consequences before I make decisions.
    I stand in my truth and maintain my integrity, whether others approve or not, even if it means making difficult changes in my life.
    CONTROL PATTERNS
    CODEPENDENTS OFTEN…

    Believe people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
    Attempt to convince others what to think, do, or feel.
    Freely offer advice and direction without being asked.
    Become resentful when others decline their help or reject their advice.
    Lavish gifts and favors on those they want to influence.
    Use sexual attention to gain approval and acceptance.
    Have to feel needed in order to have a relationship with others.
    Demand that their needs be met by others.
    Use charm and charisma to convince others of their capacity to be caring and compassionate.
    Use blame and shame to exploit others emotionally.
    Refuse to cooperate, compromise, or negotiate.
    Adopt an attitude of indifference, helplessness, authority, or rage to manipulate outcomes.
    Use recovery jargon in an attempt to control the behavior of others.
    Pretend to agree with others to get what they want.
    IN RECOVERY…

    I realize that, with rare exceptions, other adults are capable of managing their own lives.
    I accept the thoughts, choices, and feelings of others, even though I may not be comfortable with them.
    I give advice only when asked.
    I am content to see others take care of themselves.
    I carefully and honestly contemplate my motivations when preparing to give a gift.
    I embrace and celebrate my sexuality as evidence of my health and wholeness. I do not use it to gain the approval of others.
    I develop relationships with others based on equality, intimacy, and balance.
    I find and use resources that meet my needs without making demands on others. I ask for help when I need it, without expectation.
    I behave authentically with others, allowing my caring and compassionate qualities to emerge.
    I ask directly for what I want and need and trust the outcome to my Higher Power. I do not try to manipulate outcomes with blame or shame.
    I cooperate, compromise, and negotiate with others in a way that honors my integrity.
    I treat others with respect and consideration, and trust my Higher Power to meet my needs and desires.
    I use my recovery for my own growth and not to manipulate or control others.
    My communication with others is authentic and truthful.
    AVOIDANCE PATTERNS
    CODEPENDENTS OFTEN…

    Act in ways that invite others to reject, shame, or express anger toward them.
    Judge harshly what others think, say, or do.
    Avoid emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy as a way to maintain distance.
    Allow addictions to people, places, and things to distract them from achieving intimacy in relationships.
    Use indirect or evasive communication to avoid conflict or confrontation.
    Diminish their capacity to have healthy relationships by declining to use the tools of recovery.
    Suppress their feelings or needs to avoid feeling vulnerable.
    Pull people toward them, but when others get close, push them away.
    Refuse to give up their self-will to avoid surrendering to a power greater than themselves.
    Believe displays of emotion are a sign of weakness.
    Withhold expressions of appreciation.
    IN RECOVERY…

    I act in ways that encourage loving and healthy responses from others.
    I keep an open mind and accept others as they are.
    I engage in emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy when it is healthy and appropriate for me.
    I practice my recovery to develop healthy and fulfilling relationships.
    I use direct and straightforward communication to resolve conflicts and deal appropriately with confrontations.
    When I use the tools of recovery, I am able to develop and maintain healthy relationships of my choosing.
    I embrace my own vulnerability by trusting and honoring my feelings and needs.
    I welcome close relationships while maintaining healthy boundaries.
    I believe in and trust a power greater than myself. I willingly surrender my self-will to my Higher Power.
    I honor my authentic emotions and share them when appropriate.
    I freely engage in expressions of appreciation toward others.

  • Our Body is our Temple! – How are we treating it? (Listen to the Audio Message to learn more)

    Our Body is our Temple! – How are we treating it? (Listen to the Audio Message to learn more)

    Our Body is our Temple –

    How are we treating it?

    Duvid Chaim shares his Message for Tisha B’Av 5778 –

    And for every day of the Year!

    Lesson #1 We’ve already lost Two Temples – What can we do to save our Body – our current TEMPLE?

    Lesson #2 – You can actually make a difference – by yourself – just like a small BRICK in the WALL of our Eternal Temple

     

    (PLEASE CLICK ON THIS AUDIO FILE TO HEAR THE MESSAGE:)

    And learn how to REDEEM YOUR BODY – YOUR TEMPLE

    to release you own UNIQUE POTENTIAL!!

    Please post your comments below. Let’s start an exchange of our struggles and how we overcame them.)
  • You can listen to the Recording now – Rabbi David Aaron – Unleash the REAL YOU!

    You can listen to the Recording now – Rabbi David Aaron – Unleash the REAL YOU!

    You can listen to the Recording now!

    Special Guest Speaker – Rabbi David Aaron

    Author, Speaker, Dean, Visionary and Spiritual Educator

    On the Guard Your Eyes Conference Call

    Unleash the REAL YOU: 

    Secrets to Unconditional Self Worth

    How can I celebrate myself – when I don’t even know who I am?

    And how can you expect me to love myself – when I’m living a lie…stuck in such a Chronic and Disruptive Behavior?

    Who am I fooling? Where do I turn for hope – for freedom – to find the REAL ME?

    CLICK THIS Play Button to learn the answers to these questions and more

    RABBI DAVID AARON has invested over 3 decades delving into life’s biggest question marks and sharing Torah’s transformational wisdom to adults and young adults. He has emerged as the ‘spirituality expert’  simply because he has dared to ask and answer the most difficult questions that all people have and/or struggle with about God’s existence and their own.

    Disarmed by Rabbi Aaron’s exhilarating undeniable clarity, we dare to look at our deepest assumptions, doubts and fears and challenge our paradigms of belief. Amazingly, we discover that our changing view of God and ourselves gives us access to reserves of personal power we never experienced before.

    He is the Founder/Dean of Isralight and Rosh Yeshiva of Orayta, plus author of eight ‘paradigm-shifting’ books. Works include: The Secret Life of God, Living A Joyous Life, Seeing God, Love is My Religion, Soul Powered Prayers, Inviting God In, The God Powered Life and Endless Light.

    If you prefer to listen to the Recording by using your phone, dial
    US – (641) 715-3836
    IS – (076) 599-0060
    Use access number 637207#

    Then enter recording number 143

    You are invited to send me your questions for our Guest Speaker

    Looking forward

    Duvid Chaim & Miriam

     

     

  • Parasha Nitzavim/Vayeilech – It’s My Way or G-d’s Way!!

    Parasha Nitzavim/Vayeilech – It’s My Way or G-d’s Way!!

    Parasha Nitzavim/Vayeilech It’s My Way or G-d’s Way!!

    “Perhaps there is among you one whose Heart turns away from being with Hashem”

    פן יש בכם איש או אשה …אשר לבבו פנה היום מעם יה-וה

    We are are continuing our weekly Series:

    Today, we are learning, how Parasha Nitzavim/Vayeilech speaks to those who seek Recovery.

    For some of us, this time of year reminds us of December 31st.  You know that crazy night when everyone is at a party or at a bar counting down the hours, the minutes, the seconds of the end of the year.  Then the clock strikes midnight and we all yell, “Happy New Year!!”  Everyone sings together, drinks together and shows lots of affection for one another.  It’s a very joyful scene!

    Of course, don’t forget that most everyone is also making their so called, “New Years’ Resolutions.”  Where we make an oath, a vow, a commitment to get rid of all our negative behaviors of the past year.  We make commitments on how we are going to change in the New Year…how we are going to eat, to exercise, to work, to kick those “bad habits” or even how we are going to conquer our addictions.  And sometimes, we can keep our New Years’ Resolutions for about a month, a week or not at all.  So what happened?  Why can’t we really change?  What happen to MY POWER to change?

    And here WE are, as Jews, we come to the end of the Jewish Calendar Year 5777 and to the end of the Torah/Five Books of Moses.  We are also making our own New Years’ Resolution, with more of a commitment to how we are going to make not just a physical change, but also a Spiritual change.  And we are also getting all excited and prepared for 5778!  We have attended or listened to every Shiur/Lecture we can get our hands on.  We’ve said our Selichos…we will say our Vidui…we will pound our chests… we’ll kneel to the floor…and so much more!

    C’mon.  Do we really think that all these lectures, resolutions, confessions and prayers are going to make a difference?  Is 5778 really going to be any different than 5777?!  How long will I be able to maintain my angelic loftiness and commitments in the New Year?  A month, a week or not at all!

    If any of us want to understand why we don’t really succeed with our commitments to change, then all we need to do is to look at this week’s Parasha.  We can learn tons from simply listening to Moshe Rabbeinu on his very last day of his life.  He had assembled all of us, from the most exalted to the lowliest, the old to the young, the men, the women and the children.  And he gave us the most powerful message of all.  So…

    Let’s consider how the Parasha addresses this issue...

    In Devarim, Chapter 29 Verse 17, Moshe warns us about The Threat of IDOLATRY.  This verse states, “Perhaps there is among you one whose Heart turns away from being with Hashem, to go and serve the gods of the nations.  And he will BLESS HIMSELF IN HIS HEART, saying, Peace will be with me, since I walk as my heart sees fit – thereby adding the watered upon the thirsty!”

    Indeed this may seem like really cryptic language.  What was Moshe telling us?  Fortunately, Ramban helps us bring this message right into our lives today. He teaches us that this weird statement that those of us who “walk as my heart sees fit – thereby adding the watered upon the thirsty” is a warning that people should control their desires before they are overcome with lust, because once they give in to curiousity to savor the forbidden, the craving becomes stronger and stronger, until it requires ever newer and more exotic perversions to satisfy it.  Thus, the message of the verse is that we should beware of the creeping addiction to sin, for if he sins when he is “watered” i.e. without a strong desire – then those sins will be supplemented by a more serious degree of sin which becomes a “thirst” for stronger stimulation and more intense pleasure!!!  (Wow – please know that I am quoting word for word what the Ramban says about this verse!  Amazing isn’t it?!)

    So what’s our only hope and solution in the face of this powerful warning?  As Bill Wilson writes in the Big Book on page 14,

    “The solution is SIMPLE, but NOT EASY.  It meant destruction of Self Centeredness.  And I must turn in all things over to the Father of Light, who presides over us all!!

    So let me ask you as we are counting down the final days to finish 5777 and enter our Jewish New Year, do you really want to fight the Enemy of Addiction?  Do you really want Sobriety??  Do you really want to live a life of Freedom and Recovery??

    Then as we learn from our Program, we can take the simplest step of all – just Let Go and Let God!

    Please pay special attention to how this simple quote says volumes!  I’m pretty sure that most of us, would be very pleased to Let God take care of all our problems and our enemies.  BUT FIRST, the biggest hurdle we have to overcome is making the decision and taking active steps to LET GO!!  

    Thanks to Nitzavim/Vayeilech, now I really understand the piece of advice I received from a Program buddy who taught me:

    No G-d…No Peace

    Know G-d…Know Peace

    Shabbat Shalom and a G’mar Chasima Tova Good G’Bench New Year!!

    Duvid Chaim

    Please join others and feel free to post your comments in the box below.
    (ps. if you have a personal story or chiddush, you would like to share, I am looking for “guest” contributors to post.)
  • Parasha Eikev – Can you remember what you forgot?!

    Parasha Eikev – Can you remember what you forgot?!

    Parasha Eikev – Can you remember what you Forgot??

    “And your heart will become Haughty”

    ורם לבבך

    We are are continuing our weekly Series:

    Today, we are learning, how Parasha Eikev speaks to those who seek Recovery

    Am I doomed to Success?

    In this Parasha, Moshe continues to tell Klal Yisroel – as they were now poised to enter The Land about the history of their travails thru the desert.  He shared about G-d’s love for us and the many blessings we received.  And he reassured us that G-d will be with us and help us defeat our enemies as we enter the Land.  In Chapter 7 verse 24, we learn that “HE will deliver their kings into your hands…and no man will stand up against you!”

    In Chapter 8 verses 7 thru 10 Moshe tells us that Hashem is bringing you to a good Land..with streams of water..of wheat, barley, grape, fig and pomegranate…where you eat bread without poverty – you will lack nothing there!  You will eat and you will be satisfied.”

    Hey count me in!  Sounds great.  Right?  Not so easy…

    In verses 11 to 18, Moshe warns us as follows:

    “Take care lest you FORGET Hashem…

    and your Heart will become Haughty

    and you will forget Hashem”

    “ורם לבבך”

    Let’s consider how this Message speaks to us...

    For those of us who are familiar with the “AA 12 Step Big Book” we know that we learn a very strong pattern of Cause & Effect.  No matter what page you are on, Bill Wilson teaches us that the behavior of an addict can always be traced back to The Initial Cause.

    We join the 12 Step Program – we think – because we have a very destructive behavior (we call it acting out) that we want to stop.  And even though we have tried repeatedly to stop lusting, boozing, overeating, smoking, etc. we just can’t stop.  And it doesn’t matter how good our life is – we could have a great job, an attractive and adoring wife, good health, popularity and more.  But thanks to our dis-ease, we tear it all apart!  We wonder why and then we think the cause is that everyone around us is stupid, mean, selfish and out to get us.  We think the cause is that jerk and what they do to us.  Once we do our work in the Program, we learn the cause is really that our lives have become unmanageable and that causes us to Act Out! (please see Step One).

    But we’re really not done yet.  We haven’t yet discovered The Initial Cause.  And that’s where Parasha Eikev really speaks to us.  On page 14 of the Big Book, we learn the FUNDAMENTAL INITIAL CAUSE when Bill teaches us that our Program is:

    Simple, but not easy; a price had to be paid. It meant destruction of SELF-CENTEREDNESS!

    As we learn in Parasha Eikev, our real success, whether we’re on our Road to the Promised Land or on our Road to Recovery is:

    Destruction of our HAUGHTY HEART!!

    Finally, let’s reveal the Solution that Parasha Eikev and the Big Book give us how to destroy our Haughty Heart; as Bill says:

    “I must turn in all thing to the Father of Light who presides over us all!”

    If you’re like most of us, and having some difficulty maintaining your sobriety and recovery – let me share a little gift with you, based on my own personal GUIDE to help me fulfill the Twelve Steps.  I share this with all of the men and women I work with.  It is called the:

    “Where are you on the Consciousness Scale Exercise” and I promise it is the Solution to our Haughty Heart and bring you sobriety, serenity and forever change your life:

    Here’s how this Sobriety/Recovery Tool works.  Throughout your day/night, occasionally take a moment to think about where you are on the Consciousness Scale.  If I’m finding myself being Critical, Selfish, focusing only on what I can get out of any situation – then I’m hanging out in “Self-Consciousness” on the Scale.  And it is inevitable that people and situations probably won’t do what I WANT – and I’ll end up in Resentments or Fears – which for addicts means that we will most likely “Act Out!”

    If I find myself being Kind, Generous and thinking about how I Can Help Others – then I’m in a much better place of “Other-Consciousness” on the Scale.  Which means that I’ll be much more Accepting of people and situations – and I’ll be much less likely to fall into resentments and fears – I will remain in Serenity and Sober.

    Even better, if I can deliberately strive to have Emunah & Bitachon, be Humble and regularly ask “What does G-d want from me now?” I am living the ultimate Life of Recovery – Free and Liberated from the struggles and disappointments in life.  I am in a state of “God-Consciousness!”  With a bit of practice and time and regularly checking in with Where are you on the Consciousness Scale, then you will see your sobriety and recovery soar!!

    I suggest you print and cut out this Consciousness Scale and keep it in your wallet or at your desk as a frequent reminder how to STAY OUT OF SELF!

    Shabbat Shalom!

    (ps. if you have a personal story or chiddush, you would like to share, I am looking for “guest” contributors to post.)
  • Parasha Mattos – Where are your Priorities??

    Parasha Mattos – Where are your Priorities??

    Parasha Mattos – Where are your Priorities??

    “IT’S NOW OR FOREVER”

    We are are continuing our weekly Series:

    Today, we are learning, how Parasha Mattos speaks to those who seek Recovery

    What do my choices say about me?

    As we all know in this Parasha we learn about how Klal Yisroel were about to enter the Land of Israel.  And then the tribes of Reuben and Gad made a very very peculiar request from Moshe.  Does this make sense at all?  Don’t forget that when the entire nation left Egypt they marched to Mt Sinai and received the Torah just 49 days later.  And about ten months later, they were told that it’s time to enter the “Promised Land.”  Regretably, thanks to the derogatory remarks of the spies, they had to spend forty years in the desert.  Just imagine the frustration they felt because their dreams to enter Eretz Yisroel were dashed!!

    So they waited and waited – a full forty years – until finally, they got the green light to finally enter Israel.  Of course, there was a great deal of excitement and joy that their day had finally come to arrive to their Homeland.  And right in the midst of the preparation to cross over the Jordan, all of a sudden the tribes of Reuben and Gad come to Moshe and basically tell him…We’re not so excited about going into Eretz Yisroel.  In fact we’d rather stay on this side of the Jordan.  They said to Moshe:

    “Pens for the flock shall we build here for our livestock and cities for our small children.”

    You can just imagine what a downer that was for the rest of the tribes who were more excited than a plane load of Jews flying today with Nefesh B’Nefesh to make Aliyah!   Just think how Moshe felt about this request.  After all, he spent the best years of his life saving us from slavery in Egypt, shlepping up and down a mountain without any food or drink, putting up with a bunch of disloyal and complaining Yidden, and then was told that he couldn’t enter The Land!  And now he has to deal with these tribes who could have – but didn’t want to live in Israel!!  So, Moshe said to the tribes of Reuven and Gad:

    “Build for yourselves cities for your small children and pens for your flock.”

    Let’s consider how this Message speaks to us...

    Take a look at the subtle but enormous difference between what Reuvan and Gad said to Moshe.  And then what Moshe said back to them.

    In Reuvan/Gad’s remarks they first mentioned the livestock THEN the children.  In Moshe’s remarks, he first mentioned the children THEN the livestock!

    SO WHAT?!  Does it really matter in what order the livestock and the children are mentioned?

    Let’s consider why this is such an enormous difference.  As those of us seeking Recovery have learned from the Big Book on page 14 and many other places, the emphasis in our Program is the Destruction of Self-Centeredness.  Now as we consider the PRIORITIES of Reuven/Gad, we see that they put the Livestock first.  And what does Livestock represent?  OUR MATERIAL WEALTH!  A FOCUS ON THE HERE AND THE NOW!!

    So what do the Small Children represent? OUR SPIRITUAL WEALTH!  A FOCUS ON THE ETERNAL!!

    The message is pretty clear and loud now…we must always ask ourselves, What are my PRIORITIES?  Are they just on my own personal self-centered and SELF-CONSCIOUS fulfillment? – which as we all know is so superficial and fleeting.

    OR are my PRIORITIES on my SELF-LESS connection to my purpose of carrying on the dreams and traditions of my ancestors – as an ETERNAL LINK thru my children to serve G-d and build our People?!

    “SO IT’S YOUR CHOICE MY FRIENDS – OLAM Hazeh or OLAM HaBAH!!”

    If you’re like most of us, and having some difficulty maintaining your sobriety and recovery – let me share a little gift with you, based on my own personal GUIDE to help me fulfill the Twelve Steps.  I share this with all of the men and women I work with.  It is called the:

    “Where are you on the Consciousness Scale Exercise” and I promise it will bring you sobriety, serenity and forever change your life:

    Here’s how this Sobriety/Recovery Tool works.  Throughout your day/night, occasionally take a moment to think about where you are on the Consciousness Scale.  If I’m finding myself being Critical, Selfish, focusing only on what I can get out of any situation – then I’m hanging out in “Self-Consciousness” on the Scale.  And it is inevitable that people and situations probably won’t do what I WANT – and I’ll end up in Resentments or Fears – which for addicts means that we will most likely “Act Out!”

    If I find myself being Kind, Generous and thinking about how I Can Help Others – then I’m in a much better place of “Other-Consciousness” on the Scale.  Which means that I’ll be much more Accepting of people and situations – and I’ll be much less likely to fall into resentments and fears – I will remain in Serenity and Sober.

    Even better, if I can deliberately strive to have Emunah & Bitachon, be Humble and regularly ask “What does G-d want from me now?” I am living the ultimate Life of Recovery – Free and Liberated from the struggles and disappointments in life.  I am in a state of “God-Consciousness!”  With a bit of practice and time and regularly checking in with Where are you on the Consciousness Scale, then you will see your sobriety and recovery soar!!

    I suggest you print and cut out this Consciousness Scale and keep it in your wallet or at your desk as a frequent reminder how to STAY OUT OF SELF!

    Shabbat Shalom!

    (ps. if you have a personal story or chiddush, you would like to share, I am looking for “guest” contributors to post.)
  • Parasha Chukas: But I just don’t Understand the G-d of our Understanding!

    Parasha Chukas: But I just don’t Understand the G-d of our Understanding!

    Parasha Chukas:

    But I just don’t Understand the G-d of our Understanding!

    We are are continuing our new weekly Series:

    “How this Parasha speaks to those who seek Recovery”

    זאת חקת התורה

    “This is THE DECREE of the Torah..”

    Will we ever know the Answer?

    Parasha Chukas has been declared The Quintessential limit of Man’s understanding of G-d’s Ways.  Sages have grappled for all of time to find some common sense logical way of explaining how the ashes of the Parah Aduma –  the Red Heifer purify those who are contaminated – yet contaminate those who prepare it.  Even the wisest man of all time, King Solomon said in Proverbs 7:23 that “I said I would be wise, but it is far from me.”

    G-d gave the Torah to mortals!

    The Zohar says, “The Torah is one with G-d.”  It is an expression of His essential will. Therefore, just as HIS WILL is above our intellectual understanding, so too is the Torah. Nevertheless, G-d gave the Torah to mortals, not because He desires our obedience, but because He is concerned for our welfare!!   He wants man to develop a connection with Him.

    Does it have to make sense to us…for us to Understand?

    Let’s consider how this Message speaks to us...

    Just consider our nature as addicts – our need to control, our insistence that we know better, that we have all the answers!  Now also consider if G-d had given us a Torah with only Laws (Mishpatim) and no Decrees (Chukim), what would we have done?  For starters, our razor sharp minds would certainly figure out the logic behind all the laws.  Nevermind if your logic comes to another understanding that is different than mine…either you’re wrong or I don’t have to listen to you!  Furthermore, I wouldn’t need to turn to someone who is older or wiser than me to guide my understanding.  We would say, “I don’t need your advice.  I can take it from here!”  

    Why would I need you…or anyone else…or some invisible Higher Power?  My life has made me pretty tough – I’ve learned that I just need to be SELF-RELIANT to make it in this crazy out of control world!

    Instead Hashem, in his infinite and loving wisdom, gave us a Torah that is also full of Chukim.  And in my quest to understand the Torah, I will have to turn to Mesirus Nefesh, translated as Self-Sacrifice.  And we can only express this self-sacrifice thru Bitul – Nullification of the SELF!

    In Step Three of our 12 Step Program –

    “(We) made a Decision to turn our Will and our Lives over to the care of G-d, as we understood Him.”    

    Which leads us first to having to know just what the heck Bill Wilson meant by the words, “Will” and “Lives.”  The word Will is often recognized since we know that people write Wills – which reflects that person’s direction for how to distribute their belongings when they die.  Thus the meaning of the word Will in Step 3 is “Thinking.”  Similarly, our Lives are the sum total of all our “Actions” in our life.  So Step Three is asking us to turn our Thoughts and our Actions over the the care of G-d, as we understood Him!

    SO, my friends, it is precisely thru Step 3 that I learn that I have to NULLIFY MY SELF in order to turn my thoughts and actions to G-d.

    And only by nullifying my SELF can I then…finally…UNDERSTAND G-D!!!

    If you’re like most of us, and having some difficulty turning your thoughts and your actions over to G-d, then perhaps you need to practice the Art of Letting Go & Letting G-D – one the most powerful Tools to Live in Recover…so let me share a little gift with you, (based on BB pg 86-87) and I promise it will bring you sobriety, serenity and forever change your life:

    O G-d, Please Direct my thinking…

    Shabbat Shalom!

    (ps. if you have a personal story or chiddush, you would like to share, I am looking for “guest” contributors to post.)
  • Don’t Burn Your Chumatz until you do this!!

    Don’t Burn Your Chumatz until you do this!!

    The Recipe to BURN your Shortcomings:

    Chevra – I just learned a way to make our Chumatz burning more meaningful than ever!  It begins by understanding what is Chumatz.  After all,  you use the same ingredients to make a nice fluffy loaf of bread as you use to make Matza (flour and water).

    The only difference is AIR…it’s the air that INFLATES the mixture, just like our AIR-OGANCE inflates our EGO!

    So what can you do about it?   As taught by Rebbitzen Yamima Mizrachi – Before you hide your 10 Pieces of Chumatz, TAKE TEN SMALL PIECES OF PAPER and WRITE ON EACH ONE A CHARACTER DEFECT OR SITUATION IN YOUR LIFE THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO “BURN” … to have removed from your life (do not write anyone’s specific name).  For example, I wrote, “Please BURN my Arrogance” and “Please burn my Need to be in Control”

    Then put this piece of paper with your request in the same bag that you put the chumetz before you have someone hide it in your house.  And after you or someone in your family finds the 10 pieces, collect them and

    BURN YOUR SHORTCOMINGS ON MONDAY MORNING!!

    I promise you that you will find this exercise a valuable and meaningful way to help you REMOVE THE OBSTACLES FROM YOUR RECOVERY.

    And by doing so, you are on your way…2b Free, 2b Whole and 2b Connected!!

    Chag Kosher Pesach Samaach!!

    Duvid Chaim & Miriam