Chevrah
The Authors of the Big Book on Page 76 really put themselves on my Resentment List when they wrote:
“Remember it was agreed at the beginning – WE WOULD GO TO ANY LENGTH FOR VICTORY OVER ACTING OUT.”
I remember being both furious and scared when I learned from my Sponsor what the 9th Step expected of me. Do you remember our conversation early on about being Coachable?
The 9th Step is really testing our coachability. But like all great leaps, this one is one of the most transformative!
HERE IS A SUGGESTED SCRIPT – TWEAK IT TO YOUR NEEDS:
Part 1) “I know that our relationship is not as good as it used to be OR should be and I regret that.”
Part 2) “I acknowledge that I have a part in this matter.”
Part 3) “How can I make it right?”
You can tweak the script as you need to, but only as long as you keep the basic format the same:
1) Keep it Short and clear and to the point.
2) NEVER CRITICIZE THEM. Concentrate on cleaning up YOUR side of the street.
2) NEVER CRITICIZE THEM. Concentrate on cleaning up YOUR side of the street.
3) We approach them in a “helpful and forgiving spirit, confessing our former ill feeling and expressing our regret.”
4) Show real, genuine humility. Let your words be true.
5) Preface your call with the 9th Step Prayer (Big Book page 79, pdf thumb page 46): “we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing, no matter what the personal consequences may be.”
6) Let go of your expectations, and be willing to accept HASHEM’S consequences and outcomes.
7) Use the Script, or something VERY close. Remember not to implicate their part in it at all:
Time to grow…
Time to trust the Program…
Time to look out the door at the back of the Airplane and JUMP!!!
Looking forward,
Duvid Chaim
PS – For some CHIZUK with this “Not easy” Step – please listen to these two recordings from Joe & Charlie:
PSS – Cap’n Steve sent out the email below to give us Chizuk to get thru the 9th Step, please read:
Begin forwarded message:
From: Steve <[email protected]>Subject: Chizuk for the 9th StepAhoy Chevra!!Now here it is, just in time for our “9th Step Weekend”, when cell phones are free and the bears can be found in their dens.My dear friends, we are all together at this critical plateau in our Journey to Freedom. We have climbed this mountain, day by day, week by week, getting farther and farther away with every foothold from our Taskmaster – our own EGO. We have seen how enslaved we had become to our OLD WAY OF THINKING, how we have been REACTING the same way, reliving the same programming that our Selfish, Demanding, Manipulative Selves had forced upon us.But as the White Book said so beautifully, WE NO LONGER HAVE TO OBEY the demands of our own EGOs. We know WHERE we have to work on ourselves thru our 4th and 5th Step work, and we know HOW we have to apply that thru the acceptance, prayer, and action of Steps 6 & 7.These ideas and tools are wonderful, and applying them daily gives us the firm foundation upon which we walk to freedom.Yet, as we know now, the Program INSISTS on even more! Why isn’t it enough what I’m doing already? Why can’t we go directly from Step 7 into Step 10 work? WHO SAYS I HAVE TO DO THIS STEP 9 CALL??!!The answer, my friends, is EMES. The emesdike experience of Hundreds if not THOUSANDS of addicts in recovery, is that if we skip this crucial Step, we WILL fail to gain the EMESDIKE FREEDOM from our Lust as well as from our messed up, out of control past. The EMES is that the 9th Step Amends Call is EXACTLY what Hashem wants from us. Because we have been building Sinas Chinam in our heads against all those we have resented. And we have seen that “our resentments and fears are all our own doing.” So now the ball is in our court, and no one else’s, to finally end that blame game. It’s time to burry those hatchets, make amends to those we need to, and turn our hearts towards Ahavas Chinam.The essence of the program is to get to a place of Shalom. Tranquility. Serenity. And I can not get there without getting FREE from the Sinah of my past. And those who have done the 9th Step have experienced the shift into that Shalom with profound and exciting joy! Well, that’s enough proof for me! If they have it, I want what they have!And i’m SOOO close! The 9th Step will bring me over the last few feet, across the crest of this great big mountain. And on the other side? The Sun and warmth of a Life in Recovery. Step 10 is walking down hill from the crest, on the other side – about Living in Recovery, like a Maintenance Program in which we get more stronger and lasting Freedom from our Lust, resentments, and fears. A Life of connection to people, and to Hashem. A Life of Feeling, Trusting, Talking. A Life of Hope. A LIFE!!Can’t you just FEEL how close you are, Chevra? Just ONE, LAST PUSH. Daven for Hashem to be there with you on the call, and then JUMP!! Don’t wait for the feeling, don’t wait till you see the net below. “Sometimes Hashem waits till we jump, only then does He put out the net to catch us.”Kavei El Hashem, Chazak V’Ameitz Leebecha, V’Kavei El Hashem!!
Beracha V’hatzlacha!!Steve