My Lust is SPINNING out of Control!
SPECIAL GUEST SHARE by Big D.
I was recently on Duvid Chaim’s Big Book Study Group call. We were discussing the Power of Triggers. One person asked whether different triggers cause different types of reactions.
I thought about this question…and I think the answer is clearly “No.” From my experience, it doesn’t matter what the trigger is, I believe that all types of triggers lead to the same thing – acting out! Take a look at the following picture:
Each one of the marbles is a sexaholic. The funnel represents our lust addiction. It doesn’t matter if the marble entered the funnel from the top, bottom or sides.
All the marbles are going to spin in the funnel until they go down the hole, in other words – “Acting Out!”
In my Pre-Recovery days, I acted out almost every day. Every day I would tell myself that today will be different… But, to my dismay, everyday ended up with me acting out!
For example, I would be on a train and notice a pretty woman. I would try to look away. Then, more and more women would get on the train and I would look away a little less each time, and then I would stare. Then I found my lust spinning faster and faster..and lower in the funnel until I went down the hole!
At work, I never sat down with the intent to look at porn. I would get bored and end up looking at innocent YouTube videos… I was determined to stop on my own, but I thought I’d look at just one more innocent video…and it didn’t take long before I was spinning uncontrollably faster and lower in the funnel until I went down the hole!
In my Work in Recovery, I learned to stay away from triggers. And I started to prepare myself in advance for the triggering situations with a Plan of Action. On the train, now I choose to learn…I choose to concentrate on my dalet amos…I choose to look down when the train enters a station where lots of women get on…I reach out to Duvid Chaim. Now when I’m at work, I get up and walk around, I read an article on Guard Your Eyes, or I’ll get a cup of coffee. The point is that I’m making a conscious choice to be aware of what used to trigger me and now I make healthier choices that keep me sober.
It’s very clear to me that we need to work on avoiding the triggers. Once we are “edging” we will eventually be spinning in the funnel and we are going down the hole!
Thanks for letting me share.
(PS – if you have a personal story or would like to share your “Experience, Strength & Hope”, please email me to join others now appearing in our “Guests Shares”)