Step Four – You can run away, but you can’t HIDE…

Only Honesty and Clarity will bring us FREEDOM!


Just when we thought we were on calm seas, a gale force wind blows in and almost knocks us off our feet.

That’s how it feels when we read the brutally honest messages of the authors of the Big Book; following the list of the 12 Steps.

At first, it seems like they’re going to be real gentle with us; when they tell us “Do not be discouraged.” And “We are not saints.” And I really take comfort in knowing that it’s about progress not perfection.

But then we get slammed with the “first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success!”

Wait just a minute. If you’re an outsider looking in at my life, you’d see lots of success – A beautiful home, nice cars, attractive wife, model kids, money in the bank, popularity and more. Surely, I got my life figured out! Why I can claim that “I’m a self-made Man!”

And besides that I’m a nice guy. I know what to say, when to say it, how to butter up my wife. I’m a likable person. And I usually get my way. And when things don’t go my way, I just think to myself, that I just need to try harder.

You see, I’ve been “a victim of the delusion that I can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if only I manage well.”

How nice of the authors to tell us on page 62, “Selfishness – self centeredness! That we think is the root of our troubles.”
And then they give us the biggest punch in our kishkes when they tell us, “So our troubles, we think are basically of our own makingand that the addict is an extreme example of Self-Will Run Riot!!

So Let’s Get to the Root of our Problem and Work the 4th Step Inventory Worksheets!

Click on each link below to view the corresponding worksheet:

Resentment Worksheet

Fear Worksheet

Sex Conduct Worksheet

Download all 3 worksheets as an Excel file

Start with the RESENTMENT Worksheet
Begin by completing only Columns One and Two (from left to right) THE ATTACHED SHEETS have INSTRUCTIONS ABOVE EACH COLUMN.
Just let it all out. And most likely, you’ll have your wife and/or those closest to you at the top of the list. Furthermore, you may/should have multiple entries in “The Cause” (column two) for your wife/loved one. That’s good. Like I said, Just Let it Out.
You may ask, how far back in time should I go? The answer depends on if this individual is still “renting space in your head – rent free.” If you were to see this person today, would you still carry a grudge
After completing Column’s One and Two, then it’s time to complete Column Three – “Affects My…” Simply check all of the boxes that are affected by your Resentment – it may be all of the boxes!
Then after you’ve done all three columns, then go back and do Column Four – “My Part in this.” Here is where you have to spend time being really HONEST with yourself.
And ask, “have I been selfish or maybe dishonest?”
Maybe I’m being a Control Freak or Self-Seeking.
Maybe I resent this person, just because he/she just isn’t doing what I EXPECT.
Once you’ve completed the Resentment Sheet, then move on to complete the FEAR Worksheet, using the same process as above.
And then it’s time to complete the SEX CONDUCT Worksheet, using the same process as above.

Finally, please use your time to COMPLETE all these sheets THIS WEEK. You should be in touch with your Chavrusah/Sponsor to help you.

Then you should SCHEDULE THE FIFTH STEP CALL – to go over these Sheets. This private one on one Call will take about 2 hours.

Please let me know if you need a Sponsor for your Call.